The once endangered Great Crested Newt is threatening to overwhelm the City. The media are reporting that, what was thought to be a small colony of 30 newts living on the site of the new Community Football and Rugby Stadium at Monks Cross, had grown to over 300 in a matter of weeks.

The building project there has been put on hold while the newts are rehoused.

They have been placed on the housing waiting list with a “gold” banding.

Early indications, that the newts could be offered some of the vacant single bedroomed accommodation available in the City,have been jettisoned after experts revealed that colonies liked to “live together”.

New “Houses in Multiple Occupation” rules mean that a new communal home may have to be built. Housing Chief Tra Cee Lang said, “Well at least we’ll be able to build it on the flood plain”.

Cllr D’Green blamed climate change for the population explosion. “Basically we believe that the colony, discovered at another development site at German Beck, have been carried on flood water to Monks Cross. With the gene pool there reinvigorated, heaven knows where the population growth will end. I’m going to agree to rent my spare bedroom to two of them but I’m not sure how I am going to get them out of the bath each morning”.

Environment Chief Leftie Levene said, “Oh no, not bl**dy newts as well”.